Spring revival

I am terribly reluctant to admit it, but I am begining to feel my age. In fact, these last 8-10 years have been pretty darn hard on me. I had all kinds of physical problems, emotional upheavals, and down right drama from friends and family. Maybe it was just life at the time but, frankly, I'm tired of it.
Maybe this restless mood is because of the recent deaths of an old friend in a far away place, an aunt, and a dear old man that I thought would be just fine for a few more years. This week, an uncle died...... I am not going to be able to make it to the funeral. I know all about grieving but this is something more. I feel like God is stirring up a discontentment in my soul. I don't feel like it is some sort of premonition about dying but just a prompting for some much needed changes. Things do not-- and should not stay the same. Time is passing and I have the distinct impression that I am missing something -- something important. I can't quite put my finger on it, yet.

I have lived a wonderful life and I am richly blessed in many ways. I certainly don't want to retire ( can mothers retire?) but I am thinking of changing things up a bit around here. I'll let you know how that goes......

Physically, I know that I've reached the end of my rope. I am a fat lady. I have always been strong as an ox because I have to drag all of this around. I have lost years because of illness or injury from this weight. Since my surgery almost exactly one year ago, I much healthier. The endless saga of all those "female problems" are gone. I am much more active and getting so much actual WORK done. Now that I feel like doing all this stuff, my poor body just can't cope with this extra flab. It has got to go...... Heaven knows that I don't want to DIET but I don't want to miss out anymore so..... I am going to have to make up my mind and get serious about it. I know what to do, I just don't want to!! LOL!!
In the past month, I've begun to push myself to do more of the actual work on the farm. My kids are not quite sure what to think about that. My oldest children have gone through years of having to "help"me and in some cases to protect and prevent me from doing certain jobs. My boys know that they have been my muscles and I am really quite spoiled.

Two days ago, I stacked hay bales in the back of the truck--- while my kids repeatedly asked if I was all right. Sunday and then again this morning, we were cleaning up a pasture and the boys flat refused to let me use the chain saw. This afternoon, I loaded 50 lbs. feed sacks in the back of the trailer and it seemed almost painful for my oldest son to let me.
Time is passing and my children are almost grown -- heck -- a couple of them already are. They will be leaving me. We are moving somewhere sometime soon. I am getting stronger and healthier. I have to in order to continue to have this farm life that we love. I feel things stirring up and changing..... It is a peculiar feeling and I'll try to keep you posted on just how this works out...